moon list: january 2026

Dear You,

I’ve been sick since last Monday. It’s just the cold (I think).

I went to urgent care on Saturday. I thought, I’m a grown-up with healthcare that is actually accepted at urgent care.

Swallowing was painful. Just sipping water felt like swallowing glass, and I couldn’t yawn without tearing up. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t strep throat. After a quick swab, the doctor confirmed it’s not strep, that I should up my Advil dose without much trouble.

She did identify a mild ear infection, which explained the fact that my left ear had plugged up. She gave me antibiotics for that, which have been working, though the side effects have been hitting me hard.

I haven’t slept a full night of sleep since last Monday. Between the sore throat, the delayed congestion, the acid reflux from the antibiotics. I also just can’t really breathe at night now. This mix of feeling like I’m breathing through a straw while also just constantly coughing. I’m not even lying in bed right now, and I can feel it happening.

So I’m writing to you now. I can’t sleep, or I won’t sleep because of the weird dread now of laying in bed.

—

1. left unread (recall a recent moment when you realized you were weren’t as unobserved as you thought.)

I still frequently think about my old manager at the camera store taking me out on a walk because she realized how my mood had turned so foul and sour over the course of a few weeks.

I think it’s easy for me to make some judgment on it as either “really annoyingly invasive” or “appreciative”. From here, looking back, I don’t think it’s really either of those. It was just a basic attempt at trying to make sense of being human in a system. that isn’t really designed for it. Because there’s only so much that you can do with “I’m not making enough money to live, and the culture here isn’t helping that.”

I also try very hard not to make my bad day anyone else’s bad day. I think my manager only really noticed by absence: the fact that I wasn’t being as loudly goofy , joking with the people around me.

2. context collapse (write about a time when someone you knew appeared in a context that made them feel like a stranger.)

This isn’t my answer, but I think I feel this about basically everyone? I’m also the sort of annoying person who doesn’t feel like I truly “know” anyone but that is also part of the joy of life.

Actual answer: I think it’s easy to feel this way about any kid you have in your life. It’s so funny thinking I know my sweet niece, and then every time I actually hang out with her, it’s something new. A new joke, a new reference, a new way of speech.

But like I said, that’s the fun of trying to know anyone.

3. “classic me” (make a list of some things you do that you would describe as your “signature”?)

• I touch my chin when I’m thinking.

• I order martinis (recent signature).

• I always order 12 oz. coffees (black).

• I say “lad” a lot.

• I frequently omit articles (a, the, etc.) from my speech.

• I stutter (this is intentional and known on my part).

• I will almost always refer to my mom as “me mum” in my head.

4. borrowed eyes (what is something you have come to appreciate because someone you care about (or respect, or are curious about) loved it first?)

I think most of the things I like and appreciate now come from my brother. Black coffee, wrestling, Lakers basketball. They’re all adopted from my brother, and they feel like family heirlooms that way, more meaningful.

I only ever got into photography because of friendly nudges from Caitlin.

Oh, I only got really into the works of Yasujiro Ozu and Ryusuke Hamaguchi because of Claire.

5. lean word (what is a recent role you’ve been flattened into? [neighbor, barista, ex, sibling, “the writer,” someone’s mother…])

It’s an example, but definitely “the writer”, with heavy quotation marks. I don’t generally mind it because that is how I refer to myself, how I introduce myself to people when they ask. It’s maybe less of an honorific in a company where I’m one of two writers, and it feels like my role is less about writing and more about slurping up the massive excess of content tasks that fall off the table.

(I’m a big believer in the idea that you need to rest or your body is going to make you rest. Getting this cold was really the latter because I’ve been stressed with the work itself and the fact that this is still very much a new job for me.)

6. retroactive continuity (pick a person who—when you were young—seemed impossibly “adult.” reframe their experience: what is something you see now about them that you couldn’t have seen then?)

One of the most important figures in my life was this tutor. He tutored a group of me and three other friends in mostly SAT prep, but also a ton of language, writing, and reading. The type of things you just don’t really get in regular high school because it’s not the type of thing you develop a lesson plan for. Like, he had us read parts of the Bible purely as a literary exercise because so much of modern literature draws from stories in the Bible.

He was a good, kind man, smart as hell. He seemed young to me, maybe just out of college, but he was likely older than that. I remember he always had a massive bag that always seemed full to capacity and always a disorganized mess.

I learned later that he was actually a writer himself. He wrote poetry and prose, was very much part of the San Francisco scene of queer writers. It had me realizing the level of effort that he put into everything. The fact that he had to tutor some (frankly) annoying high school kids to pay the bills while pursuing a writing career.

7. low-key devotion (list 3 small, incredibly specific ways someone takes care of you.)

• My mom calls me once a week, usually on Sundays.

• Caitlin sends me dog posts on Instagram basically every day.

• My brother will send me events, things to do in the future, tattoos to get. This is meaningful care because they’re fun things we can do together, but they also create a future.

8. tender inventory (what are 3 very specific things you know about someone that they don’t know you notice?)

• My mom has such a specific laugh. Like, when you really make her laugh. It’s a look and sound that no one can recreate.

• The way my brother bites his fingernails.

• I don’t know the genetics of farts, but when Pepper farts, I know for sure that a Park has passed gas.

—

I also haven’t been able to work out in two weeks. I think my last workout was legitimately the day I realized that I might be getting sick. I haven’t had much of an appetite either, so I can see myself losing weight, muscles softening. I can feel myself losing the steadiness when stand on my bad ankle.

And if you’d believe it: Not being able to eat, sleep properly, or have any sort of active life is kind of setting off my depression.

I’m also flying to Austin on Saturday (it’s a quick trip, largely with family, so apologies for not being able to see any friends). I’d like to feel completely better by then, but I don’t know.

As I was writing this, I got the late night coughs that I’ve normally been getting when I try to sleep. This feels like some useful research, but I don’t know that this evidence is particularly useful or elucidating.

I hope you’re well.

Love,

A