moon list: may 2026
Dear You,
I am now in the care of a cat for a few months. My brother’s cat. It’s been sweet and strange, a surprising bit of adjustment.
Part of this is not realizing that cats are semi-nocturnal (the official term is “crepuscular”). This means waking up from hearing Cat doing something in the living room or (more frequently) him standing on my chest. (Suffice to say, I’ve been tired, but I’m guessing things will settle as he gets used to things).
The other part of this: My apartment isn’t big. When it’s just me, it’s fine, but having another living creature here, even one so small, my place feels tiny, cramped. I need to get rid of shit.
—
1. running on fumes (when you’re totally depleted, what reliably goes first? maybe the sleep, the fridge, the exercise, the patience? name your physical tells: your clenched jaw, or stiff neck, or mounting isolation, popcorn for dinner?)
My patience, really. I become so immensely grumpy. I can still remember my politeness. I won’t yell. But I’ll fester. I’ll be less generous with others.
I don’t know that I have a real physical tell. I know that after really hard days at the camera shop, I’d literally get dizzy on the walk back home from the bus stop. The ground swaying under me.
2. self-survival kit (when you’re in the situation above, what’s your actual system for saving yourself?)
Strangely, any sort of exercise. When I’m physically, mentally, emotionally depleted, my immediate thought is to shoot some hoops, get in a quick workout, go for a jog. I think it’s really the difference between being tired from work or life or whatever and being tired on my own terms.
It feels good to sweat. It feels good to be out of breath and feel my muscles.
The post-workout shower is also unbeatable.
If it’s the right time, a morning visit to the theater almost always cures me.
3. beauty mark (take an inventory of your scars, marks, physical anomalies, permanent alterations. which one is the most interesting?)
Seven tattoos (my Ferdinand the Bull is still probably my favorite)
A mole on my upper lip
A mole on my right ear
Pockmarks on my cheeks from picking my zits when I was younger
The top of my left ear is folded down (I think it’s referred to as a lop ear but some of the older kids in high school called it an elf ear)
4. you look tired (whether or not it was well-meaning, what was the last unsolicited observation someone made about you, physically?)
Surprisingly, I don’t have a lot of people remarking on me in any physical way, good or bad. (This is where I tell people that you should compliment the men in your lives.)
The one that comes to mind: I was out at a bar after a friend’s art show. Someone asked my age, and I told them. I know I look young for my age (I’m Korean, I have good genetics, and I use retinol). People always exclaim, Wow, I thought you were 20-something.
But this was the first time someone asked me and had a real look of disgust? Disdain? I don’t know. It took me off guard.
5. sustenance (what specific meal and/or snacks do you eat when you need to feel like yourself again? describe in full.)
Frequently, a burger and a side of fries. I just really need something fatty, salty, easy to eat.
The real answer is Korean food, but this isn’t a city that caters to that need.
6. guts (where in your body does fear live? describe it as a physical location, a texture, a temperature.)
A ghost lives in a haunted house in my stomach. I hear her most when I’m afraid or nervous. She gnaws at my liver, puts the blood to her lips.
7. “the body is a situation” (your dry scalp. your intense mosquito bite allergy. how you can’t bend your index finger in a certain direction. what are the most hyperspecific, undocumented, entirely “you” things your body does (seasonally, cyclically, climatic, inexplicably?). so reliable you don’t question it, so inconsequential you wouldn’t ask your doctor.)
I don’t really breakout anymore, but I will sprout some zits every time the season/climate changes. I’m assuming it’s something to do with humidity, but it’s like clockwork. I’m often more aware of weather changes based on my face than the forecast.
My left ankle also goes through occasional aches, bouts of stiffness. I’ll probably need physical therapy (or a cane) in the future, but it’s so minor and brief that I don’t really think about it beyond throwing on an ankle brace.
8. factory setting (what’s something you love about yourself that you can take absolutely no credit for? whether genetic gift or pure luck, it was just there when you showed up.)
My stubbornness, my ability to just draw people in without actively trying, my enjoyment of all foods.
I really can’t emphasize enough: I love being Asian. I love being Korean. I mean, not without qualms and criticisms (don’t get me started on modern Korea as hypercapitalist satellite program for the U.S.). I love that I grew up in Southern California. It all equates to me being introduced to a wide range of cultures and foods and people at a young age.
(Being Asian is also such a cheat code for fashion. Like, I know that I can wear the same outfit as some white person and immediately look better.)
9. scratch my back (what are your favorite physical sensations? the ones so specifically, privately good they briefly make everything else irrelevant?)
Getting my hair washed by my hairperson
Flossing
The second sip of a cup of coffee
A warm hug that lingers
Wrestling chants
A sweatshirt on a 60-degree day
—
I am also realizing: I’m at least mildly allergic to cats.
Also, Cat is definitely a suburban cat, not a city cat. He is skittish about the city noises, cars passing by, groups of pedestrians laughing on the sidewalk.
I’ve been feeling crazier lately. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. I feel like I’m not progressing as a person. Whatever that means.
I hope you’re well. I need a break. From all of this.
Love,
A